A group of friends and I were at a social event. There is this guy that seems to be interested in one of my friends, he started courting her but in a very very shy way and then he sort of disappeared. She was interested but since he wasn't really showing real intentions of pursuit, she discarded the idea. We ran into this guy at the social event, and we all said hi in a friendly way, he is not the most outgoing person but he is polite.
The event went on for a few hours, and just when he was leaving he went to talk to my friend and chatted with her for a bit. He had at least 2 hours or so to talk to her, but no, he only chatted at the very end. The funny thing is this guy tries to organize group activities that include my friend, but he is unable to take the lead on the actual activity, and he asks his other friends to organize them, which is weird and shows insecurity.
Being in my 30's, I find it really amusing to meet men around my age that lack a lot of confidence. It's actually really sad. You meet a guy that is nice, polite, interesting, shows interest in you, seems to have a good heart and good principles, is attractive, has similar hobbies, and things seem to align, but then his lack of confidence shows (it could also be his lack of interest, I am aware, but there are times that even this comes out in the form or shape of an unconfident act).
The event went on for a few hours, and just when he was leaving he went to talk to my friend and chatted with her for a bit. He had at least 2 hours or so to talk to her, but no, he only chatted at the very end. The funny thing is this guy tries to organize group activities that include my friend, but he is unable to take the lead on the actual activity, and he asks his other friends to organize them, which is weird and shows insecurity.
Being in my 30's, I find it really amusing to meet men around my age that lack a lot of confidence. It's actually really sad. You meet a guy that is nice, polite, interesting, shows interest in you, seems to have a good heart and good principles, is attractive, has similar hobbies, and things seem to align, but then his lack of confidence shows (it could also be his lack of interest, I am aware, but there are times that even this comes out in the form or shape of an unconfident act).
Being insecure is not attractive AT ALL, and this goes for women too. It's a shame actually, and it makes people lose respect and interest quickly.
I am not the most confident person in the world, but I have come a looong way from the way I was in my high school years, THANK GOD! Let me explain... I used to be extremely shy, I grew up in a very sheltered way, went to an all-girls private catholic school, had to wear uniforms, school had mass once a week for my class, and I spent most of the time hanging out at my very conservative but really loving catholic grandma's house with my aunts and cousins.
For 17 years I was surrounded by my relatives and close friends only. It was all really safe and I was very protected. I never rode the public buses during that time, my mom pretty much knew where and who I was with at all times, even though there were no cell phones back then, and she never talked to me about boys, or the birds and the bees. Life was good, simple, and I didn't know any different.
For 17 years I was surrounded by my relatives and close friends only. It was all really safe and I was very protected. I never rode the public buses during that time, my mom pretty much knew where and who I was with at all times, even though there were no cell phones back then, and she never talked to me about boys, or the birds and the bees. Life was good, simple, and I didn't know any different.
After high school I went to University and things got real. My world got real and I had to come out of the shell, but it took some effort and I felt the growing pains. My first University was a public one. It was a very good University and it was hard to pass, I did, but passing was the easy part. First of all there were men - imagine that, men! We didn't have to wear uniforms (Aleluya :)). There were also all kinds of people from different cities, men with long hair, people smoking, etc. (I have never smoked and I barely drink, even now, I think you get the picture).
It was my first real exposure to the world outside of the bubble and I was not ready for it. I didn't last because I wasn't prepared for it. I had a very hard time adjusting socially, so even though my grades were good enough in high school and I passed the University test, which is quite hard, I didn't have the emotional intelligence and maturity to adapt. I lasted about 3 months, and went back to my parent's house.
It was my first real exposure to the world outside of the bubble and I was not ready for it. I didn't last because I wasn't prepared for it. I had a very hard time adjusting socially, so even though my grades were good enough in high school and I passed the University test, which is quite hard, I didn't have the emotional intelligence and maturity to adapt. I lasted about 3 months, and went back to my parent's house.
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| Your bubble is about to burst! |
It felt like failure back then. I doubted myself. I thought maybe I wasn't smart enough. I was definitely not the most confident person those days, but now I know I was just not ready for the social challenge, the new environment, the freedom after growing up in a very traditional, safe and comfortable routine.
Back at my parent's house I wasn't sure what to study. I started looking at local universities and their programs. I knew I didn't want to study anything related to engineering or anything that involved heavy math. I felt stressed out, very confused and lost.
I took some English and Computer classes (common programs) while trying to figure out what to study next. The major I had left was not available in my city and I wasn't sure what to chose. It was a big decision.
My parents didn't graduate from University. They did some of it but their parents couldn't afford it when they graduated from high school (unlike me), so they had to do it on their own and when they were older. My mom was working and had 2 kids when she enrolled in University. She ended up dropping out (she didn't like the career either). My dad was the bread winner and didn't get to go until he was much older and while still working full time. We actually overlapped as students for a bit. My family supported me through my confusion the best they could, but I still felt stressed out. I had the opportunity they didn't get.
I took some English and Computer classes (common programs) while trying to figure out what to study next. The major I had left was not available in my city and I wasn't sure what to chose. It was a big decision.
My parents didn't graduate from University. They did some of it but their parents couldn't afford it when they graduated from high school (unlike me), so they had to do it on their own and when they were older. My mom was working and had 2 kids when she enrolled in University. She ended up dropping out (she didn't like the career either). My dad was the bread winner and didn't get to go until he was much older and while still working full time. We actually overlapped as students for a bit. My family supported me through my confusion the best they could, but I still felt stressed out. I had the opportunity they didn't get.
After much hesitation I picked a major and enrolled in another public university. Again, I was able to pass the requirements. Some people were not that lucky and had to retake the test that the University used for selection or apply somewhere else. I found out I really liked my English classes and continued all of the courses offered by the institute while I was also doing the major.
This time I was able to adjust. Little by little I started to come out of the shell. My confidence started to build up, I was a little bit more outgoing, I had my first boyfriend (late boomer) and also my first break up, and life went on. I finished my major, graduated and things were good once again.
Then I moved to a new country, and that "really" opened my eyes and took me out of my comfort zone. It is true you need to grow a bit of a thick skin, and I did. Some things were great and some things were not. I got married, we became parents and then we divorced. There were really rough moments, but this time I was able to hold onto the lifesavers strong enough until I was able to get to calmer waters.
This was possible to do thanks to my wonderful friends and the support they gave me. These angels were there with me and helped me navigate the rocky waters, and I didn't sink. I am forever grateful for what they did for me, and I hope I can pay them back somehow. Mostly they gave me the confidence to trust myself and to keep on striving for my dreams and my future. This was the card one of my dear friends (the angel) gave me when I was struggling:
I wish all of the men and women lacking confidence would come across messages like this. I wish even more that men and women out there lacking confidence would come across a group of friends and people who give them support and can help them grow. I have been so lucky, and I hope I have learned enough to pass these lessons on to my kid. When in doubt, I will hold onto memories like this.
It also helps to have a good mantra, and this one is just perfect:
Repeat as many times as needed! :)
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ps: When I was looking for the previous image, this one popped up and I thought it was interesting:
This time I was able to adjust. Little by little I started to come out of the shell. My confidence started to build up, I was a little bit more outgoing, I had my first boyfriend (late boomer) and also my first break up, and life went on. I finished my major, graduated and things were good once again.
Then I moved to a new country, and that "really" opened my eyes and took me out of my comfort zone. It is true you need to grow a bit of a thick skin, and I did. Some things were great and some things were not. I got married, we became parents and then we divorced. There were really rough moments, but this time I was able to hold onto the lifesavers strong enough until I was able to get to calmer waters.
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| Good friends = The best! |
This was possible to do thanks to my wonderful friends and the support they gave me. These angels were there with me and helped me navigate the rocky waters, and I didn't sink. I am forever grateful for what they did for me, and I hope I can pay them back somehow. Mostly they gave me the confidence to trust myself and to keep on striving for my dreams and my future. This was the card one of my dear friends (the angel) gave me when I was struggling:
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| To this day, I keep this card as one of my most precious treasures :) |
I wish all of the men and women lacking confidence would come across messages like this. I wish even more that men and women out there lacking confidence would come across a group of friends and people who give them support and can help them grow. I have been so lucky, and I hope I have learned enough to pass these lessons on to my kid. When in doubt, I will hold onto memories like this.
It also helps to have a good mantra, and this one is just perfect:
Repeat as many times as needed! :)
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ps: When I was looking for the previous image, this one popped up and I thought it was interesting:
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| I am not so sure about the first part nowadays, but the second part is absolutely true! |
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